When there is an elephant in the room,
you can't pretend it is not there and just
discuss the ants.
Wow it is nearly two weeks since I last blogged and I don't think my post advertising our new podcast counts. I have had plenty of time to blog but I think for the first time in 4 months I have a slight writers block. Ok I am not a writer I am a blogger, but surely that is still as worthy as other forms of written word. I think over the past few months I have actually tried to move away from the blogging term, but why should I? A blogger is what I am and that is what this website is, a blog of my thoughts, my live public diary. More closely to home I saw last week in a completely different world to mine, the beauty blogging world no less people challenging blogging authenticity. I would hate to think my blog was not being authentic, it is probably the only thing I could sell myself on, being authentic. Blogging can so often be disrespected by so many as it is an easy target but it is one of the most true forms of journalism and written word. It is the word of the people, it allows for the smallest person with a computer to express their thoughts on something. Now that we are in the digital age every one now has a voice like never before. Thats my two cents on blogging, I shall step down off of my soapbox now.
Back to writers block, I have genuinely wracked my brains as to what to write about, so I figured the best thing I could do is write down ideas as they come to me. That way then I have something I can build on for the blog. Rather than this being anything special I thought a few updates on my life over the past few weeks would be pertinent. Ok first up is what this blog has now become synonymous with, fertility. Last week I was approached by an Irish tv station to come on their breakfast show with Joanne to speak about fertility. What a kind and cool offer! Although we talked it over and we ultimately declined the opportunity, let me explain why. Going on tv presents a fantastic opportunity to further speak about fertility to an even wider audience than my blog or our Irish Times piece. Being honest however I was very nervous about the prospect of going on tv to speak about something so close to my heart with every blog I put up I don't want to draw anger or be hurt, what can I say I am a sensitive soul. When I wrote about our experience on here I was so happy I got to speak about something so hard as IVF with people and for them to get the process. It helped me so much and I got strength from others who have been through it or were still going through it. We also really enjoyed working with the Irish Times but we also feel there is only so much we can talk about IVF before we have to start to draw a line on about how much more we can speak about it all. I don't come to these conclusions lightly or at the drop of a hat but I saw Joanne struggle a few weeks ago around Mothers Day and I didn't even anticipate it.
All I could think is we cannot continue raking the coals up on something that has been so hard to deal with it, we have to move on somehow I hope that makes sense as you read this. Right now we are in a frame of mind that we need to to get past these next few years. We are still taking our Pre Conceive, hoping and praying it somehow works. I use the analogy of trying to wash a stain out a of shirt, it maybe nearly gone but it still keeps coming back. For months we progressed our way of thinking but like the stain the thoughts flood back just like that and when they do it is so difficult not to let them take over your whole mind. Just like pre IVF we have gone back to the usual game of waiting for the end of every month to see if some how a miracle has happened. Do I believe in miracles, probably not, I am the glass half empty person of the relationship. We are so alike in so many ways but Joanne is alot of the time the antithesis to me. She is the glass half of full person she has been like that since the very first day I met her. We march on hoping somehow we get that plus or 2 lines on a pregnancy test.
In more positive news we are both absolutely loving our podcast "Meet the Dekortes". We have only done 2 of them but we are having so much fun, just talking about stupid stuff. I really wish I had done this sooner with Joanne. I will link below if you would like to listen or subscribe. Maybe just like my blogs over the past few months this will be our next step in distraction from the elephant in the room. I don't know if what we go through is a form of depression or not but we had a dark week or two recently. Like waves this process has a peak and we are on that again, I loathe the thoughts of that trough that inevitably comes though.
Well that is it for today, short and hopefully sweet.
Our Podcast can be found here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1223827207